sickness can lead to understanding
by saphira e.sparrow
Summary: it's been 3 months since kate's death. when neal gets sick will peter understand him better or just ignore it? re-edited not perfect but hopefully better.


I do not own white collar damn this is my first fan fic so sorry if it sucks

Peter pov

It's been about three months since Neal came back to work after Kate's death. At first it seemed like he spent most of his time in a literal 'twilight zone'. When he was in one of these zones, just by the look on his face I knew he was flashing back to that moment right before his world crashed around him.

His hands would shake, and he had the perfect 'kicked a puppy' look I have ever seen. The little guy aka, Mr. Haversham, aka, Mozzie and I have been keeping an eye in him since the incident, though he is living the way he did before it all he still can't seem to move on. Though if I were being truthful with myself I wouldn't have faired that much better if that happened to El. A shudder run through my spine at the mere thought.

I know from many tried and miserably fails that I am NOT a comfort sort of guy. The best I ever have is my 'cowboy up' phrase. If I said that during one of his moments I'd be willing to bet every famous artwork out there that I'll finally see the dark side of the I-always-have-the–perfect-self-control Neal Caffery. Another shudder, I know Neal isn't a violent person but I remember the time he thought I had Kate during the Wall Street case when he fired off the shotgun with perfect aim.

Back to the problem at hand Neal has yet to come into work today. I haven't checked his anklet because I haven't seen any signs that he would run and then there's the way he was acting yesterday.

_**Flashback**_***

We were on our way to a possible jewelry heist where the store was featuring the black orlov* which I have no farther details of other then the fact that it's a black gem and worth a lot. Sometimes I think people give the FBI as little info as possible just to see if we fall on our face.

Anyway on our way there I noticed Neal seemed a little spaced out like he was caught between one thought and another. At first I didn't really care because a thoughtful Neal wasn't a depressed Neal and at this point I'll take any other Neal I can get. Even the Neal that is always messing with his hat.

Then I had a thought. I also knew that the gem in question was rare and was probablely worth more then the state of New York. And Neal _loves _his rare gems even if he prefers art. He could try to steal to get some life back into his own.

Then I did the stupidest thing ever. I asked point blank in my threatening voice if he was going to steal it. The nano-second after I said it I felt ashamed that I even thought of it. Neal had time and again proven that he didn't want to disappoint me because he trusted me more then the girl he loved or his closest friend and general partner in alleged crime.

When I realized what I said I wanted to apologize but apparently he was at the end of his rope because he glared at me with such coldness that the temperature in the car dropped 15 degrees. I pulled over so I could fully explain myself without running into someone. But Neal wouldn't give me the chance.

"No, I'm not and I thought you knew me better then that but I guess I was wrong," he said but not with as much bite as I thought he would. It still had an edge to it but with a tired edge as will that caught my attention. That was when I noticed how his shoulders were shaking hardly enough to really notice but still, his face had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead and his cheeks were a little flushed.

"Neal, are you feeling okay?" I asked. He either he didn't hear me or chose to ignore me. "I would have thought after everything we've been through that you'd at least think of me as the partner you _say _I am and actually meaning it. After all the cases I helped you solve. Even if I didn't do them to your FBI standards, half of them would have taken longer or wouldn't have been solved at all.

I'm not looking to be recognized for anything, I agreed to help you, and get out of jail but I think all anyone in the FBI ever thinks of me is the convent that got lucky. I probably wouldn't have minded if it were everyone else but with you it just flat out hurts because I trust you more then anyone and Mozzie has said that it's stupid to trust the one who caught you."

Twice as you like to constantly point out. *glares* You always blame me when something goes wrong. When you had to stay at my place you run Alex's prints, the whole thing with Pierce was ridiculous. Nowadays I wonder why I trust you at all if you can't even try to trust me."

After this I was speechless. He was having problems trusting me? Yes I admit that the whole Pierce thing was hot air at the time and had almost gotten him shot. It took June having faith in him when I didn't to really look pass the obvious. I knew I should have at least tried to amend things but I ended up getting angry at him for nothing once again.

"Yes. I ran Alex's prints, constantly checked your tracker, and treated you like the criminal you were locked up for. Which for your information is what lead to Kate leaving, getting caught, and killed…" oh I did it and nothing I could ever say to take it back.

He looked like I had just sucker punched him repeatedly. There was nothing I could say so I didn't say anything. Finally he seemed to get back to himself. He looked at me with the most heartbroken face I have ever seen. When he talked he voice kept cracking, "Y-yeah…tha-anks-s…for…re-emin-nding..m-me."

Then he opened the car door and just walked away. I was still in shock at what I said to him that I didn't make a move to stop him. By the time I realized what happened I was already home with El, the case done. El knows something was up but offered no advice. Guess she thought I could do it myself. One way or another I had to tell Neal I was sorry and hoped to God he believed me.

_**End Flashback****_

But Neal hasn't come in yet and I'm starting to get seriously worried. Neal had walked home, he could have easily been kidnapped… got to stop that thought from going too far.

First things first at least check to see where he is. A quick check on his anklet which says he's at home so I guess he's avoiding me. So I did what anyone would do. I broke into his apartment.

Technically I didn't break in, June gave me the key for just encase reasons if she wasn't there. Unless Mozzie was here to call me on breaking and entering I was in the clear. But when I got there the apartment was eerily quiet; Neal hadn't picked up his phone which wasn't helping my negative thoughts.

I knocked about five times then just let myself in. Looking around the first thing I notice is that the room was like it usually is. Meaning he either got taken on the street or he was in another part of the house. Then I hear an I'm-at-death-door-groan and look over at his bed where it looks like a mountain of blankets decided to park itself there.

I had decided that before I left I'd make sure Neal was alright and I apologized, so I started getting the blankets off. When last one was off I was shocked by what was under it. Neal looked like death warmed over. He was pale, sweating, and looked like a lost kid the way he was curled up a fatal position. Yesterday came back when I asked if he was feeling okay.

He obviously hadn't and since it was January, it was freezing last night. So walking home hadn't done him any favors. He coughed long and painfully making him curl up tighter.

"Damn it," I sighed. I tapped the heel of his foot. "Hey sleeping beauty," I said. He just rolled over and continued sleeping. I should also mention that I'm _**NOT**_ a patient guy either.

"Caffery!" I shouted. That proved to be a mistake because he scrambled awake, arms flailing, setting himself up, with glassy eyes going all over the place. When his eyes locked on me he shrank back, and lost what remaining color he had. "Don't send me back to jail," he said, well more like croaked.

Immediately I was channeling El's comforting nature. Neal looked scared out of his wits which shocked me more because I'm the last person he'd lose control or let his guard down around. He seemed to mentally shake himself back to reality, then ran a hand through his hair making it stick up in all directions.

"I slept in, I take it," he asked trying to sound nonchalant, but the look in his eyes said he thought I was going to break out the cuffs and ship him back to prison. That look told me he was still upset over yesterday.

"Yeah you did." I reached to feel his forehead but he flinched away, which I ignored. "But under the circumstances it's understandable. Why didn't you tell me you felt like crap?" I asked trying to soften my tone in hopes he'll lighten up. He coughs in his fist and says, "Didn't think I was, just thought I was tired.

He walks to the kitchenette to get a drink. Now the way he mumbles, "Not like you'd let me go home, you'd think there was some side angle I was trying to pull." Ouch. Now it was my turn to get a sucker punch. "Look Neal I…"

I never finished that sentence because he seemed to lurch then bolted for the bathroom. I was still kinda shocked from his earlier statement that with this I stayed rooted, because now I was positive he didn't want me anywhere near him when he was this low in his self-control. But then I hear a short high broken whimper from the bathroom. I knew if I left now, whether he hated me now or not, El would kill me if I left him alone like this.

So trying to channel my wife's comfort I went to see if I could help. I found Neal in the obvious place: hunch over the toilet. He was, I guess, half way done, but I kneeled down and started rubbing his back. Neal, either forgot I was there or he wasn't used to someone being around when he was sick, because his head shot up and almost clipped me.

I backed off. "Whoa whoa. Its alright I'm sorry," I said. Seeing his bloodshot and wary eyes I decided El should be here not me. "Just say the word, I'll leave and call El." He literally deflated with shaky exhale, resting his head in his arms. "S'okay" he said.

It seemed like a good a time as any. "You know I didn't mean to tell you all those things yesterday, right? It was just blow off some steam." It was a few minutes before he responded "I know. I just don't like having the guy, who I consider a good partner and one of my best friends, constantly remind me that they have the power to send me back to jail."

Now I never wanted to say it out loud that I too consider him a friend more then partner. Now it made more sense as to why he took things more personally with me then others. "Well if I ever act like not a partner again you call me now it, okay? And I'll try not to blow up at you. Deal?"

He tilted his head to look at me. His eyes had some of that mischievous shine in them that usually made me suspicious but was now welcomed. "Making a deal with the conman? Pretty sure there's some legal question there somewhere," he said, a ghost of his conman smile on his lips.

For the first time since yesterday, I smiled the old Neal Caffery was back. But he had used up all his energy for the day, causing him to slump against his arms again. With the thought of the bathroom not being the best place to get over a cold. I hauled him up and out of the bathroom, and onto his bed. He fell asleep as soon as his head made contact with the pillow. The shivers had come back so I started making the mountain of blanket appear again. As soon as that was done June walked in.

"Ah, Peter I thought you'd stop by. I was going to call you and ask you to see Neal but I had an event I couldn't miss and the place had horrible service," she said. I smiled and said, "It's okay. I had some things to make up to Neal. I think we've patched things up pretty good." She smiled in return "Good to hear. Now that I'm done with my errands I plan on mothering him to death. So if he still doesn't show up tomorrow, don't be surprised."

We both had a good laugh at that. We caught up on a few things till it got time for me to leave. On the ride home I promised myself I would try to better understand Neal from now on. Because the only that separated him from anyone else was a record. If you meet him on the street, you'd never know he had one. You'd think he was just a good friend of mine. And no one would be wrong.


End file.
